The Death Suite 7: The Enemy Within

Covers June-August 2025, following the news that I now had measurable tumours, but  uncertainty remained regarding how fast they would develop. They were my 'enemy within'.   

Images to be provided by the artists shown in red by June 1, 2026. Inserted as received. 

* indicates there is a relevant artist statement in the notes at the end. I may add notes of my own at a later stage.

1 Emma Cousin

If life is just a waiting room

that must mean the main event

is yet to come.

The doctor will see us now…

 

2  Anne Howeson

Death goes on

the same as life,

the only difference being

unavoidability.

 

3  Katarina Rankovic

People say I’m stoic

but I’ve hardly suffered yet  -

and am happy to wait

to find out if it’s true.

 

4 Blinky Bellas

Health is the priority

and yet

if life is just about staying alive,

you might as well not.

 

5 Alex Baraitser

Yes, you can kill time

at least for a while.

But when time kills you,

I reckon it’s for good.

Alexandra Baraitser: Upstairs Downstairs, 2023 - Oil on board, 33.5 x 23.5 cm 

6 Andy Harper

The main event

is yet to come:

too bad I won't be able 

to report on it.

7 Sam Jackson

The benefit of death

is plain:

there’s no need to be afraid

of dying any more.

8 Jonny Briggs

I guess that’s a question:

would you – if you had to –

have death

on your bucket list? 

9 Alastair Gordon

       

In the event of my demise

'I told you so' 

will hardly scratch the surface

of the years of expectation...

 

Alastair Gordon: Memento Mori, 2022 - oil and acrylic on paper, 30 x 40cm * 

10  Berend Strik

Now’s the time

that should-be-dones

might fall away undone -

which is why Steph’s keen that I get on with them!

 

11  Cedric Christie

A poem for the end of time 

sounds rather ambitious, 

whereas a poem for the end of my time

sounds as humdrum as all the others.

 

12  Peter Peri

How would I feel

if ‘sentenced to death’

meant ‘sentenced to life

in eternity’?

13 Sophy Rickett

Having said which

life after death could be an enviable state

like solid air

or marble in full spate. 

14 Sarah Pager

I’m not sure that immortality

would be good news…

But being immortal for now

will suit me fine.

 

15 Aideen Barry

In what we must take as a post-dualist world 

does an afterlife make any sense?

If not, I'll have none of it:

I'm not indulging in an illogical practice.

 

16 Wanda Koop

According to Bernard Williams

life would be terminally boring had it no termination.

Wouldn’t it be interesting

to find out if that’s true?

 

17 Anna Frijstein

I’m having trouble sleeping

but ‘I don’t think I’m going to get back to sleep’

was the last thing I thought

before I went back to sleep last night.

 

18 Helena Parada Kim

When I wake in the night

I like to know the time.

Am I subconsciously worrying

about the timeless world beyond?

 

19 Gunther Herbst

Sleep in the world

sleep out of the world…

Is the difference

really worth the fuss?

Gunther Herbst: Circular Composition with Blue, Yellow, Red, Green, Dark Green, Brown, Purple, Black and Vermillion, 2023 - Acrylic on Plywood,  diameter 100cm
 

20 Koushna Navabi

People keep telling me

I look much better

than the last time they saw me.

Last time, though, they said that I looked well…

 

21 Tereza Buskova 

Mum complains

that her friends are all dead.

Add that to the list

of displeasures to be denied me.

Tereza Buskova: Ritual of Homecoming, 2021, Performance, Hidden Mothers, Copeland Gallery, London (Photo Katarzyna Perlak)

22 Nadege Meriau

‘Now and again’

according to Anne Carson,

‘you want to make a poem about death.’

What would she say about all the time?

 

23 Vicky Wright 

Cancer? No problem

It gets me a lot of sympathy.

But symptoms?

I just can’t see the benefit.

 

24 Liv Fontaine

It isn’t

that I want to be compliant:

necessity is the mother

of acceptance.

 

25 Chantal Powell

I'm not quite ready

to go to a place

that doesn't exist –

and not just because it doesn't.

 

26   Danny Rolph 

Male or female

black or white, straight or gay?

How come the tide that’s turned against binaries

hasn’t got as far as life and death?

 

27 Lea Rose Kara

Addiction to life

is hardly a problem –

but that doesn’t mean

withdrawal won’t be tough.

 

28 Alex Hudson 

Gimme an L!

Gimme an I!

Well, OK then, if you insist…

Gimme a D.

 

29 Hermione Allsopp

You think I’m macabre?

Victor Hugo kept one bedroom aside

ready to occupy

only when he was dying.

 

30  Mary Yacoob

‘Maybe next year’

has become a commitment I'm happy to make,

chances being I won’t be around

to have to follow through.

 

31 Susie Hamilton

My bowels control me

not because all my cancer is bowel cancer,

so much as that its movements

determine the nature of my day.

Susie Hamilton: Moorgate, 2025 - acrylic and charcoal on canvas, 183x170cm *

32  DJ Roberts

Given that death

will have his day,

I see no harm

in making him wait.

 

33 Sam Owen Hull

People say I’m brave

but bravery is a choice,

and I haven’t had

any choices to make.

 

34 Lana Locke

My new regime

is stomach ache and sleep.

I can’t think why

I’m following it.

 

35 Andrea V Wright

Pain is how

you know you’re alive

when you’re wondering if

you might be better dead.

 

36 Julie Cockburn

I love life and

if I change my mind

under cancer’s persuasions

don’t let that count for anything.

Julie Cockburn: Blossom and Peat, 2021 - Hand embroidery and spray paint on collaged found photographs *

37 Nicky Deeley

I’m told it’s a matter

of ‘when’, not ‘if’ –

something I share with everyone alive

and everyone yet to come…

 

38 Gretchen Andrew

All I really know of death

is how to live without it

and I'm not sure that's going to prove

of value for very much longer.

39 Theo Ellison

‘Why me?’

is an illogical question:

my asking it ensures

it could be no-one else.

 

40 Robyn Lichfield

What do you call

the dead’s own territory,

now that there’s no heaven or hell?

Is the dead zone simply the cosmos?

 

41 Sarah Roberts

Steph is feeling bad today

and that’s not good:

she ought  to leave that kind of thing

to me.

 

42 Hannah Knox

I guess there’s nothing else to do

but go on waiting for the miracle

that it would take

for me to believe in miracles.

 

43 Georgina McNamara

Can I go on  

living this way?

Of course I can:

it’s how I mean to die.

44 Blue Curry

‘Fuck cancer!’

is a sentiment I’ve seen around, and share.

But has any body worked out

how to do it?

Blue Curry: Cancer Didn’t Kill Me…  Photograph, 2026 

45 Jana Emburey

This is my twist

on a very old saw:

it must be good that life is going

to leave me wanting more.

 

46 Fay Ballard

There's more to life

than dying.

That said, it is an interest

that absolutely everybody holds.

 

47 Emma Witter

It’s said that death

puts life in context,

but does it? I reckon

it’s the other way around.

 

48 Dominic Shepherd

Death is the essence

You can refuse to drink,

to eat, to breathe, even to live -

but you can't refuse to die.

49 Holly Stevenson

It's bad enough feeling 

like death warmed up 

without it being your body's way 

of warming up for death.

Holly Stevenson: Sticky Libido, 2025 - Ceramic: Glazed stoneware from the In Sigmund Freud’s Ashtray series * 

50 Marcelle Hanselaar

According to the ludicrous Wilhelm Reich

cancer is caused by sexual inhibition.

Would I dismiss that so readily, though,

were it not too late for an intense campaign to reverse it?

Marcelle Hanselaar: Memento Mori, The invitation, 2025 - etching/aquatint, 20x25 cm plate, 38x43 cm paper, ed. 30.

 

51 EJ Major

I have no issue

with the fact of death.

It’s only the timing and the manner

I might like to adjust…

 

52 Claudia Carr

I eat, yet still feel desperately hungry

The doctor says the tumour’s press

is mixing up my signals.

I’d like to give it signals of my own.

 

53 Ruth Fuller 

          

People think I’ve suffered

I haven’t, much, and here’s the proof:

I’d happily live

the last three years again.

Ruth Fuller: Chatter Chatter,  2025 - oil on board,18cm x 13cm *

 

54 Wojciech Antoni Sobczynski

‘Bring on the agony!

That’s an experience

I need to respond to…’

is not what I’m tempted to say.

Wojciech Antoni Sobczynski: Ash Variations I, 2026 – ash, ash on canvas, 45 x 64 x 24 cm *

 

55 Elpida Hadzi-Vasileva

Is bowel cancer

the same thing as colon cancer?

If so, I’d sooner avoid the bowel:

for something comes after a colon.

Wojciech Sobczynski 

56 Kristian Evju

       

It’s only just occurred to me

that ‘nothing lasts for ever’

describes the state of death

with some exactness.

Kristian Evju: The Well, 2025 - pencil on paper, 40x 33 cm

 

57  Liz Elton

Time to move on

as I’m reaching the stage

at which chemo seems unlikely

to make me feel worse than I’m feeling already.

 

58 Sadie Hennessy

It seems six months

of palliative chemo

will extend my life by about six months.

Let’s hope it’s not the same six months.

Sadie Hennessy: Evening Jacket, 2024 - Mixed Media, 70  x 50  x 20 cm *

59 Troika

I like life 

even though it causes death.

I wouldn't be without it

for any other reason.

 

60 Sara Rossberg

There’s so much stuff

I want to get done

I'm seriously thinking of being awkward

and simply refusing to go.

 

61 John Peter Askew

I thank my tumours

for the chance to engage at a sensible pace

with the coming of death. Just think:

I could have been hit by a bus, and ended none the wiser.

 

62 Dagmara Genda

This dying business

turns out to be pretty long-winded:

it’s almost as bad

as living.

 

63 Liane Lang

Death may be

the end of thought,

but it’s given me plenty

to think about.

 

64 Alison Gill

Of course I want to be there

when it happens –

why miss out on a one-off experience? –

but now, it seems, I'll have to wait a while.

 

65 Dillwyn Smith

So much speculation

so little substance…

Is it time

I killed my death stuff off?

 

66 Laura Santamaria 

If this is going to be

my last line, I’d better hang on

until the end of the quatrain

if this is going to be.

 

Notes

These poems cover June-August 2025, following the news that I now had measurable tumours in three places – mesentery, abdominal wall, and right lung - with suspicions of a fourth in the bowel. I was having some symptoms – tiredness, stomach aches, back ache, bowel irregularities – which the doctors said were consistent with the tumour developments. The tumours were small (in the 1-2 cm range) and not currently showing signs of rapid growth – when they do, palliative chemotherapy will be set up. So the tumours were my ‘enemy within’. By the end of this period, they were starting to grow faster.

Steph, I should explain, is my wonderfully supportive wife.

'The main event' - thanks to Anne Howeson

‘Is bowel cancer’ - Punctuation puns aside, my cancer is of the colon, but my doctors always refer to it as ‘bowel cancer’. That’s a broad term referring to cancer in the large bowel, which includes both the colon and the rectum. Essentially, colon cancer is a type of bowel cancer. Secondary cancers arising from it are all 'bowel cancer', and treated as such.

Images

As chosen or made by favourite artists in response to the poem they selected - an idea proposed by Emma Cousin.

Notes from artists on their images:

Julie Cockburn: I source old photographs, postcards, and second-hand books from the internet or car boot fairs – found images that I alter using traditional techniques such as hand embroidery, painting, inlay, and screen printing. Here there’s a circularity, if that’s the right word, to both poem and image.

Ruth Fuller: This miniature painting is actually four.  Chatter Chatter is the visible work, underneath which are three figurative paintings, like strata, existing unseen.  Memories and imaginings, a collapse of thought to invisibility.  A search, in painting, for a reflection of something greater.

Alastair Gordon: This was one of a series I made several years ago after the death of our unborn daughter. Something of a meditation on mortality, which seemed to match.

Susie Hamilton: This painting is from my ‘Underground’ series of drawings made on the London Tube. It is called ‘Moorgate’ since its ashen, ghostly nature alludes to the 1975 disaster at the station. I chose it to go with quatrain 31 because the reference to bowels suggested the diluted acrylic paint of the lower body of this figure. The unconfined fluidity of the paint and the quatrain itself also recall Psalm 22: ‘I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: My heart is like wax; It is melted in the midst of my bowels.’ 

Sadie Hennessy: One night, when the time comes I'll slip into the sea in a gold dress and an evening jacket. Rosemary for Remembrance. Vodka for courage. Nytol for oblivion. Feathers for glamour. Stones for Virginia Woolf... In line with the sense of humorous despair in my chosen stanza. 

Wojciech Antoni Sobczynski: Feeling down with personal and political events - feeling unable to influence the course of even small events - I began to look for a new colour I could use, which would express the mood I was in. I started experimenting with ash, looking to find a humblest tonality. That colour combines with the texture’s fragility, perhaps reflecting my own state of mind. This is my personal observation on our fragile existence on that great lump called the earth, hurtling through space. 

Holly Stevenson: By the term sticky libido I mean to articulate a sense of hellish confusion, a sort of clinging on to everything and anything in an attempt to make sense/right the self in to a clearer perspective… 

References

'Having said which' - I had in mind Edmund Spenser: 'Sleep after toyle, port after stormie seas, / Ease after warre, death after life does greatly please' from 'The Faerie Queene' (Book I, Canto IX), 1590. 

‘Given that death’ refers to Shakespeare’s ‘The Life and Death of King Richard the Second’, Act III, Scene 2 from 1595: ‘Cry woe, destruction, ruin, and decay: The worst is death, and death will have his day’. It is thought likely – though it isn’t what happens in the play – that Richard II (1367-1400) was starved to death in captivity after being deposed by the future Henry IV in 1399. If so, not the way to go…

‘You think I’m macabre?’ The bedroom – including skull-themed décor and a rather splendid bed - is in Hauteville House, St Peter Port, Guernsey where Hugo lived (but did not die), from 1856 to 1870.

‘A poem for the end of time’ echoes Olivier Messiaen’s ‘Quartet for the End of Time’, 1941

 ‘According to the ludicrous Wilhelm Reich’ cites the theory set out in ‘The Discovery of the Orgone, Volume II - The Cancer Biopathy’, 1948.

 ‘Death is the essence’ – according to Jorge Luis Borges (1899-1986) ‘Death is the essence of life. Life is an approaching death.’

‘All I really know of death’ - love and death are often connected: Karen Carpenter sang in ‘Goodbye to Love’ (1972), that all she know of love was how to live without it.

‘According to Bernard Williams’ – in ‘The Makropulos Case: Reflections on the Tedium of Immortality’, 1973

‘Of course I want to be there’ – Woody Allen’s 1975 play ‘Death’ contains the line ‘It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens’.

‘I guess there’s nothing else to do’ refers to Leonard Cohen’s song ‘Waiting for the Miracle’, 1992 - ‘Nothing left to do / When you've got to go on waiting / Waiting for the miracle to come’.

‘Now and again’ - Anne Carson: ‘Martha Going’, 2024.